at the beginning of 2013 someone prophesied that this would be the year of "suddenlies." I though, whatever. Things happened back to back that weren't necessarily bad, but they weren't good. I've felt for some time now feelings of extreme restlessness-not because I was dissatisfied with God, but just because I knew something was missing and I had not idea what it was. BUT GOD. haha. I was so busy trying to find out what was missing, that I was actually missing God's voice telling me where to take my next step. I was so worried about the bigger picture while he wanted to whisper in my ear, "put one foot in front of the other." He was teaching me to trust Him all over again. I"m not even sure why I'm writing this, but I just needed to say it. God's hand has been all over my life. His faithfulness is unbelieveable.When I took that one small step, He really did show me that this is the YEAR OF SUDDENLIES!!!

The INbetween

Life is full of transition and hard decisions that need to be made. It's how you handle those situations that make us who we are. They shape you whether you like it or not. The easy thing to do would be to shrink back from anything difficult and because of that not be willing to take responsibility for anything. Almost like we are always on neutral ground. Why? Because we are afraid. I'm reading a book right now where the author says, "Let us live the lives we are afraid to live." This isn't just talking about skydiving or taking a crazy road trip. It means let's be bold, step out and face situations that would normally scare us to death. Let's do it for the sake of the truth and for the sake of the gospel. I refuse to believe that the day to day activities and hustle and bustle is all there is to life. There IS more, and I will do whatever it takes to be one step closer to the more. Some people might misunderstand, but that is a risk I'm willing to take. I am in the inbetween...where trust is a MUST. There is absoloutely nothing else to lean on, faith is the only option...and sometimes that is scary because we are used to controlling things and planning out our entire futures. We compare our lives to others and measure ourselves against society and what it tells us. This has to stop. God is interested in the process, and the decisions we make day to day. HE wants to be a part of all of it-to trust. This is the most beautiful surrender there is, to give up all options other than faith. There is no plan B.

Go With the Flow...

I've been learning that every moment matters. In the past I've always tried to "plan" everything out thinking that somehow by doing that I would be in control. What I realized is that this made me even more OUT of control. God has been teaching me to trust him in the moment. He loves it when HE is our only plan. So often we try to have a plan B, just in case He doesn't come through. When we learn to give up control it is then that He comes in and surprises us. Surrender is actually all a part of rest. But learning to rest is difficult. haha! It is all so backwards, and I'm learning to be okay with that! To be continued...

The Heart Behind It All

Jesus is the truth. We see throughout the gospels all the things that Jesus tell us or commands us to do. Don't hate. Don't do this, don't do that. But how often have we stopped to examine WHY He tells us things? I dare you to discover and ask. Just the other day I was reading the sermon on the mount and I realized something I had forgotten. Jesus tells us these things because He knows what will awaken love in our hearts. Sure, it is all about Him, but He wants us to know His heart. And His heart is always good, always kind. He hopes all things in us. He loves us with everything He has.

the reason..

It's been 7 years now that I've really been walking with the Lord and through all the ups and downs I can look back and say-He is faithful. There has been hard times and really good times, but throughout everything, He has been the reason. I remember when I first fell in love with Jesus-it wasn't because I learned how to pray or because I knew what He could give me. I didn't know anything, yet I still fell in love with Him. Why? Because of how he held my heart. He drew me away and told me He loved me. It wasn't anything that I did. He CHOSE me and chose to love me unconditionally. HE IS THE REASON...for everything. He guides my every step, every decision. Sometimes I might look crazy based on the way I choose to live my life and the places I go, but I can honestly say, He is the reason. It's easy to make things so complicated when really He just wants me to love Him. His hands are wide open, ready to embrace me and give me all that is His. I just have to come to Him. I remember how I fell in love with Him the first time. I just wanted to be close to Him. I still want that, but I want to fall in love all over again-just like the first time. I want to be intoxicated with His love. I never want it to get old. I never want to just get "used" to it. He is full of beauty and splendor. He is fascinating. He calls me His friend. I think of my best friend and how I share everything with them; not only possessions, but plans and secrets. My best friends know the deep things of my heart, my weaknesses and strengths, and they still accept me and love me unconditionally. Jesus wants this with me-He wants to share His plans and His secrets with me. He wants to laugh with me and just like a friend, sit and talk with me. How simple! He just wants to be with me. This truth awakens me and exhilarates my heart! Sometimes I can feel Him looking at me and I just weep because His love is so pure, so beautiful. He's the reason I'm living, the reason I keep going, the reason I do what I do, the reason for everything. I pray that I would continue to find Him for the rest of my days.

He is Wonderful in All His Ways

The Lord is so good at reminding us about who He is. So often we get caught up in circumstances or what we do have or what we don't have. We get hung up on the past and the future instead of focusing on where we are with Him TODAY. Recently I've been on a journey of finding out who Jesus says that I am instead of letting things of the past or ambitions of the future dictate it. No matter what, He is always good! He knows every detail of my life, my ins and outs, how I move and how I think. There is really no one like Him. I am FULLY KNOWN by Him and will be fully known by Him for all eternity! This brings so much freedom! I have absolutely nothing to prove to Him because He knows everything already. I'm also learning how to enjoy the journey...in everything. The journey with the Lord, in relationships, in everyday life. That's what He wants from me-to love Him in every little thing. He wants my heart, all of it! This requires me to be vulnerable with Him which is sometimes really scary. Why are we so afraid to let people in? Maybe we think that if we let them all the way in that they will find something they don't like. But that's the risk of it all isn't it? To love someone is to risk everything! The only difference is that when we love the Lord we risk everything, but HIS love never fails! It never falls short and it is always enough! We need to give Jesus enough credit. He did die for us! His love is STRONGER than anything we could ever face!