Tuesday, February 3, 2015
I've been married just a little over three months now and I could not ask for more! It has been a crazy adventure so far, so many goods, along with the bad as well. The main lesson I'm learning though is how to be dependent on God. In this time of "adulthood" where people get married, have kids, buy houses, get "real" jobs and anything else the "world" tells you that you should be doing as an adult, there is a big struggle to understand what it means to be dependent. How can I learn to be dependent when so many areas of my life require me to be independent? But this is not dependency out of lack...although we will always be in lack compared to God's greatness...this is dependency in the midst of abundance. In this midst of distraction and freedom. So many things are calling my name, so many options with what to spend my time with. And me, I'm the type of person who wants to be in control of where my life is headed and my circumstances and being dependent on the Lord means abandoning that completely. Let's just say, learning this lesson is an everyday battle. I mean, who wouldn't want to be dependent on God? He has everything. But my heart, with so much fear in it, is afraid of being rejected and forgotten. Being dependent on God means running to Him when nothing makes sense or when everything makes sense. My position is the former. I have an awesome husband, we are financially stable and things look good but it's not enough if I'm not dependent on Him. I can't depend on myself being happy, or my circumstances turning out "right" or even my husband or family being exactly who I need them to be. All of those things disappoint. Every time. The one thing true is Him. I can depend on Him. I just remind myself that this life is short and things aren't going to work out the way I think they should. And most of the time my control of situations is just me trying to cover up my fear. But He is with me always and He will never leave me. He knows, He sees and He understands my dreams. At the end of this life, it is Him I will stand in front of. So in this life, I want to spend my days learning how to be dependent. Because in that day, it is Him I will lean on and only Him I will have.